Marriages have their own fair share of arguments, disagreements, and fights. However, when these fights become too much, the marriage becomes very unhealthy and can eventually collapse. When we don’t get along as a couple, kids suffer the most. Here are some effective ways that might help improve your chaotic marriage. (More useful tips here)
Stop thinking that you are always right
Most of the time, one partner tends to think that they are smarter and right than the other partner. However, this is not always the case as everyone has their own outlook and approach to life. When one partner insists on having their own way in marriage, they imply that they have to be in control. No one likes being controlled or not been heard in the marriage, hence arguments and fights arise.
Understand that your spouse comes first
Priorities matter a lot in marriage. When you put other people or things before your spouse, problems are bound to rock the marriage. For instance, if you prioritize your friends, job or children above your spouse, he/she (the spouse) will feel isolated and less needed in the marriage.
This isolation often leads to cheating and infidelity in the marriage as the other spouse searches for a feeling of appreciation in other people. At no one time should you put anything or anyone before the interests of your spouse.
Respect your partner
Respect is the foundation of all relationships. When there is no respect in marriage, love and care for each other becomes quite rare, almost non-existent. This in turn becomes the genesis of marital problems and disagreements. When you have respect for your partner, you will not cut them short while speaking or reprimand them in front of your kids or visitors.
Apologize when you make a mistake
Apologizing to your spouse after you wrong them is not a sign of weakness. Instead, it shows that you are mature enough to accept the responsibility for your actions.
When apologizing to your spouse, ensure that you are sincere in the best way possible as you are trying to seek their forgiveness for what you have done. When your spouse has wronged you, avoid getting overly angry at them as this anger can consume you and make you wreck the marriage.
Avoid being power hungry in the marriage
There are people who are so power hungry such that they create conflicts in their marriages to prove that they are more powerful than their partners.
However, this should never be the case as a marriage thrives when there is a feeling of mutuality and equality. There is no person who is more powerful and important than the other in a marriage. Marital happiness is all about appreciating your spouse for their strengths and weaknesses alike.
Avoid belittling your spouse
Irrespective of your academic qualifications or the type of job you do, you should never belittle your partner to make yourself feel superior to them. In marriage, nothing else matters apart from the love you have for each other and the feeling of companionship.
As such, when talking to your spouse especially while arguing; ensure that you choose your words wisely so that you do not say something that will make them feel belittled and inferior.
Never dare your spouse to leave
Challenges, arguments, and fights make relationships and marriages stronger if they are addressed and resolved in a healthy manner. Even after you have had a nasty argument or fight with your partner, let them feel needed in your life and never dare them to pack and leave.
Suggesting to your spouse that she should leave after a fight can be a very risky and dangerous habit. There may come a time when you will suggest that she leaves and she may never come back home again.
Keep your marital problems within the marriage
Marital problems should be confined within the marriage and not discussed with other people including family and friends. When you discuss the problems you are having with your spouse to friends, there are high chances that the friends or family will disclose the problems to other people.
This, in turn, makes it hard to solve the issues you may be facing with your partner. You can never take back any words you use to criticize your spouse to friends and family.
Never contemplate having a divorce
Irrespective of the extent of disagreement and fighting in your marriage, never at any one time contemplate parting ways with your spouse. Resist the temptation of giving up on your marriage as this may be the last strain on the marriage.
When the marriage becomes unbearable for both of you, you should spend time apart to allow your spouse to relax and cool down. It becomes easier to look for long lasting solutions to your marital problems when none of you is angry.
Seek professional counseling
When the problems and challenges you are facing in your marriage become too much for you to handle with your spouse, you should seek professional counseling and guidance on marriage.
The best thing about turning to marital counselors is that they advise you on how to be tolerant with your spouse and address issues before they get out of hand. Most serious marital problems are caused by unresolved issues that pile up making the marriage very chaotic and unhealthy for either of the spouses.
Maintain constant communication
Poor communication forms the backbone of all arguments and fights in a marriage or any other relationship thereof. As spouses, you should learn how to open up to each other and accept each other’s flaws and weaknesses.
This helps to improve yourself as well as your spouse in terms of changing habits and behaviors that may make the other spouse feel uncomfortable in the marriage.
You should never get defensive or rude to your spouse when they correct you. Always talk politely and nicely to your spouse as this harbors good and close companionship in the marriage.
Marriages may be hard and challenging but they are worth every effort, energy and time spent to make them better. Always learn to grow in your marriage and become a better person than you were before you got married. The best thing about marriage is that it can add great meaning, direction, and perspective to your life.