Every parent wants what is best for their child.
You would want them to be the best that they can be and encourage them to achieve all that they can. This is entirely normal. However, sometimes the desire to have your child succeed can cause you to compare them to other people – and this is a big problem.
Comparing your child to other kids has several negative consequences on your child’s wellbeing. Not only will you stress them out, but you could damage your relationship with them.
Constantly comparing your child to other kids is therefore a big no, and is a practice that should be avoided. There are several consequences that may arise from comparing your child, such as below:
1) Lowering their self esteem and confidence
Whenever you compare your child to another kid, it slowly eats away at their confidence. And if you want to improve your overall parenting skill, you should stay away from doing that.
Because when you do, your children will start to believe that they are not good enough and it makes them question their self-worth. They may begin to wonder why they cannot do what the kids they are being compared to achieve, which will, in turn, make them question their own abilities.
This self doubt will lower their self confidence and they may start to believe that they are incapable of doing certain things.
While it is never a parent’s intention to make their child feel lesser, the constant comparison may cause your child to feel unworthy. Low self esteem can affect your child’s mental health which can then greatly affect their overall life.
While pointing out another child’s successes may be a way of encouraging your child to work harder and even instill some sort of healthy competition, this can easily be taken as comparison and should therefore be avoided.
Let them know that you are proud of their successes and encourage them to constantly work hard without comparing their achievements to those of others. This will not only build up their self confidence but it will make it easier for them to accept themselves for who they are.
2) It stresses them out
Always comparing your child to someone else is bound to stress them out. They may feel the need to overwork themselves to gain your approval and this is highly damaging to their well-being.
They will feel pressured into trying to show you that they can be as good as the kid you are comparing them to, which will leave them tired and exhausted.
The burden that they feel to impress you may stress them out so much to the extent that it may affect their academic performance as well as other aspects of their life.
If you feel that your child could perform better in school, try and sit them down and ask them what you can do to help them without having to bring up their friend who happens to get better grades.
Tell them that you know they can do better and find ways of making them work harder without making them feel like they aren’t as good as someone else. After all, every child has different capabilities and learns at different paces.
Learn what works best to get your child to work harder without making them feel second rate. By doing so, your child will feel less stressed and they are bound to perform better (these good products might help you out).
3) Comparison kills contentment
As a parent, if you constantly compare your own child to other children, you may start feeling your child isn’t good enough. You may begin to see other people’s children as better than your own and this is extremely dangerous.
While it is perfectly normal as a parent to want your child to excel, when you start comparing them to other children you may start to question their abilities.
While you were once happy with your child’s grades, when you see another kids grades who may be performing better, you may start to question yourself as a parent and even your child. You may begin not to feel content with your own child.
While you may not even voice these thoughts out loud, having them is not something most people would be comfortable with.
You must, therefore, learn to appreciate your child and accept their capabilities. Parenting is already a tough job, and comparing your child to other children will just make it tougher.
Instead, realize that you are lucky enough to have the opportunity to raise a child and be content with who they are.
4) Comparison breeds resentment towards other children
Being compared to other children may cause your kid to develop feelings of hatred and jealousy towards other kids. If they are reminded of how they are unable to do or achieve something that other children have done, they may start to dislike or envy other kids.
They may openly start to mistreat the other child just because they feel envy towards them – even if the other child is their sibling.
It is therefore important to show them that they do not need to develop such feelings by not comparing them with other kids.
5) Your child may begin to withdraw themselves
Eventually when a child gets tired of being compared, they may begin to withdraw themselves completely. It could be that they think that no matter how hard they try, there will be someone else who will outperform them so they may not even bother at all.
You will find that your child completely gives up and doesn’t even attempt things anymore . This can be highly damaging to your child as it can affect their mental development.
They may also start to distance themselves from you as they do not want to hear you talk about other children who they assume are better than them. Your child may stop opening up to you and shut themselves out of your life completely.
Raising a child without having to compare them to other children is highly possible. Set benchmarks for them to reach instead of comparing them to others. Encourage their strengths and praise their accomplishments.
Teach them that it is okay to have some weaknesses and assist them in any way you can. Above all, always support them and show them love and you will see that they will always want to try their best just to make you proud.